I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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