I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize