my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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