so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
