Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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