I skipped work to stalk him.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
