my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
