and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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