bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize