I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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