just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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