Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
