Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
