If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
