He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
