Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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