I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
