I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
