We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
