if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
