How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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