i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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