Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
