nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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