It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
True strength comes from lack of pants
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
