I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
