Fine. I'll sleep in my office
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
