I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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