it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
