Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize