I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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