I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
