Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
