I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
