I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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