Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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