it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
