Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just invented taco cereal.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
