her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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