I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
