I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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