Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
