She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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