just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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