Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
