what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize