I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
