I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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