i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
