My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
