this beer tastes like vomit already
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
