I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
