Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize