i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
