Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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