someone owes me an orgasm
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
