I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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