Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
