think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
