The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
