I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
