Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
