based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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