My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
