I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
