When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
