I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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