I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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