Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
