My hand turned me down
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize