I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
