If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
