Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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