Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize