im holly from the hills drunk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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