i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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