no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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