She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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