I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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