He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
