there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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