i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
