I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
